Coming from the martial arts or ‘warrior’ tradition, I have learned to connect to the Heart. Not all martial artists learn this, but a refined teacher will endeavor to impart it. And of course there are other ways to learn this… teachers and life’s manner of teaching us comes in many forms.
My first glimpses of what living from or centered in the Heart means came when I was dominated by self criticism and the torment and anguish that results in living that way. I will never forget how confused I was. One day I was with my teacher, and he was pushing a few of my buttons in this regard. It suddenly became too much. It seemed no matter which way the conversation was turning, I was facing all of this darkness and self judgment.
Suddenly, in the emotion of the moment, I looked at him and burst out, “Look, I don’t care about ANY of that. All I know is this: I have a good Heart! I am a good person in here.” I was tapping my chest over my heart, wailing my words. He instantly paused and looked at me, quietly nodding.
As time passed I became more and more in touch with this deeper part of me. The thing I was expressing to him had a certain purity and innocence that I could actually feel. That innocence was deeper than all my screw ups, deeper than any judgments put on me by other people. In that moment of outburst, I realize that I was standing up for that deeper part of me. In time, I realized that this feeling is the so-called innocence or the ‘heart of a child’ referred to in scripture.
This is not all that hard a place to feel or to find inside of ourselves. But typically it is so bruised and battered that we don’t want to expose it, for fear of laying bare our vulnerability to once again get hurt. Yet, it is from past or below this place that deeper truth emerges, it is from this place that deeper truth’s voice expresses itself, and it is from this place that we discern deeper truth.
At some point the warrior realizes this, as does any spiritual seeker, and he/she begins to endeavor to connect to, express from, and live more and more from the Heart. In time I began to realize I could live from this spot successfully, that I wasn’t as vulnerable as I thought.
Yet, there is a vulnerability that continues to exist because we are no longer submerging this part of ourselves out of fear of getting hurt, but rather we are living more and more centered in the Heart.
It is through the Heart that Love passes through us and extends out into our life and our world. If I clamp down on my Heart, I am clamping down on Love. So, I would rather live from the Heart, and take my chances on getting hurt, compared to suppressing and masking over my Heart with layers of guilt, fear and doubt.
Very recently I found myself faced with a choice that involved risk to my Heart. Should I minimize the risk by closing down or shielding part of my Heart, or should I open my Heart and just be me - exposing myself to a potential deep hurt. I chose to keep my Heart open and to live centered as deeply in Love as I know how to do. I am not saying we shouldn’t protect our Hearts. I would, however, rather be free to be me than to live trapped in and dominated by fear and doubt. I still have these negative attributes, but I am no longer dominated by them.
Self hatred, fear, doubt and guilt are tiring and punishing. Living from the Heart, while it exposes me to being hurt, is a far more tender and wonderful place to reside and live from. As my friend James Souttar says,
The warrior’s life and death predicament puts this into perspective - it’s not that one might be hurt, but that if one doesn’t act impeccably one will be hurt.
This strikes at the very ‘heart’ of the issue, doesn’t it? That we will inevitably get hurt, and hurt again and again, until we learn to center in and live from Heart. In that context, it is not the risk we think typically think of it as. And, it takes far less energy to live from the Heart than to maintain all this stinking guilt and anxiety.
Living centered in the Heart is living within the eye or the calm that is at the center of the storm. I am still in the storm of life, I still get battered, but I find a calmness and peace in living from the Heart that is well worth the risks.
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EDITOR’S NOTE: James Souttar recently suggested the following (the bold emphasis is mine):
Is it that we can’t see the point, or is it that we lack the skills to stay with it? It increasingly seems to me that it’s not enough to just want ‘better blogging’ - we need to find better ways to blog.
I have to confess I’m not good at listening - I often seize a point I want to explore before I’ve finished someone’s comment. I’m also long winded, so I don’t suppose that many people finish my comments either. And I suspect that it’s simple things like this - impatience, and the desire to raise one’s own points (rather than ‘appreciate’ someone else’s) - that most frequently derail our attempts at dialogue.
It would be interesting to try an experiment and invite everyone - if only for the course of the experiment - to do what I know I frequently don’t do (and I’m sure others fail to do likewise), namely:
* to read the whole of the post and the comments before replying;
* to try to identify the point under consideration;
* to resist the temptation to raise other points;
* and to add value to the point as it has been developed.
How about it?
